It Truly Is a "Tale as Old as Time" and That's the Problem

The lack of creativity in Hollywood has been spoken of in various venues over recent years. While it may not be waning creativity on the part of the filmmakers and artists, it does not take long to realize that remakes, sequels, and re-imagined stories of old seem to fill the "Coming Soon" lists from Hollywood. If not a lack of creativity, it certainly is a somewhat safe financial plan for the production companies.

The children of the 80s and 90s reminisce of days gone by as they find themselves forced into "adulting" (apparently, that's a word now.) For the Gen Xers, this explains the "GI Joe," "Transformers," "Dukes of Hazzard," "21 Jump Street" and "Chips" movies. For Millennials, perhaps this is why live action versions of Disney cartoons are such a big hit. In some cases, as with "Alice in Wonderland" and "Cinderella," the original animated films were made decades prior to the birth of the Millennial generation. Yet, it was when these young adults were children that Disney began to "unlock the vault" on occasion and release these classics on VHS. How many young twenty- and thirty-somethings grew up with those bulky plastic cases strewn around the room as they watched their favorite films over and over and over? As a parent, I remember these films being worn out and while "Robin Hood" was incredible, a man can only take so much "Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo."

A Tale As Old As Time

The internet and media outlets blew up last year when it was announced that a live-action version of the newer classic Disney film "Beauty and the Beast" would be developed. Early clips shared online revealed that Emma Watson was to play Belle and the film was to be, in some cases, a scene-for-scene live version of the animated classic. Watson was cheered as the new Belle. The rose in the early trailer was celebrated online as just a glimpse of the new film began to elicit positive buzz. 

Even when Angela Lansbury, one of the stars of the original, shared her confusion as to why the film was being made and clearly wasn't a fan of the endeavor, it was clear to those watching the industry, the film would be a huge hit and make millions. Disney is banking on that. In fact, that's the answer to Ms. Lansbury's question.

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Photo credit: Castles, Capes & Clones via VisualHunt.com / CC BY-NC-ND

The marketing has been systematic. Disney definitely knows how to do this and with marketable tie-ins such as the races at the Magic Kingdom and new dolls already on the market (though the Belle doll did get some pushback with claims it looked less like Emma Watson and more like Justin Bieber). Make no mistake, this film will rake in the bucks and many will celebrate the music, acting, reminisced childhood, and message.

Oh, the message.

It has changed a bit from the original.

Belle is more liberated, it seems. She's an inventor now, as is her father. This was revealed a few weeks back. Most read that and thought "No big deal."

Yet, last week another revelation was shared by Disney regarding their new film.

Disney's First "Exclusively Gay Moment" in a Children's Movie

Since this is an updated re-telling of the "tale as old as time" or at least as old as the early 1990s, the writers and directors have taken the opportunity to insert a sub-story into the plot revealing that one of the characters is actually gay. This story truly blew up the internet last week and continues to be shared online and through entertainment "news" television shows and media outlets. 

To the Christian with an eye on culture, this should be no surprise.

When the online push to make Elsa a lesbian in the Frozen sequel began, it became inevitable that Disney would step even more intentionally than in the past into the LGBT revolution. Some have declared this to be the first gay character in a Disney production. That actually is not true. The Disney Channel show "Good Luck Charlie" depicted a lesbian couple as parents of a friend of the main character. The Disney produced television show "Once Upon a Time" on the Disney-owned network, ABC, presented familiar characters from film as outed lesbians in April 2016. Yet, the difference here is the fact that the upcoming film is marketed to families. 

The Gay Sidekick

The protagonist in "Beauty and the Beast" is Gaston. His sidekick is LeFou. In a recent Washington Post article by Elahe Izadi, the following is stated:

In recent years, Disney has increased the racial and ethnic diversity in its stories, and has made strides to reimagine female characters as fully formed protagonists rather than simply damsels in distress.

But there have been calls among some for children’s entertainment to portray same-sex relationships as well. Last year, a Twitter campaign asked Disney to make Elsa from “Frozen” a lesbian character in the movie’s sequel, inspiring the hashtag #GiveElsaAGirlfriend.

A few Disney movies have left viewers wondering about the orientation of characters, with allusions to same-sex relationships. “Zootopia” featured Bucky and Pronk, two male antelopes who live together, bicker like a couple and share a common last name. An episode of the Disney Channel show “Good Luck Charlie” included a character who had two moms.

But the live-action “Beauty and the Beast” will bring an overt depiction of a gay man to the big screen.

This has been called a watershed moment for Disney.

The culture celebrates the seemingly progressive step in this upcoming film. However, not all parents are excited. Many who planned to relive their childhood with their own kids while watching the film together in the theater are now questioning if they should. For some, it is the frustration that they may be forced to address an issue of sexuality with their children in a way they did not plan or desire to do.

Nevertheless, some will celebrate the opportunity to share the normalizing of such things. This is the cultural revolution in full swing.

To be clear, while turning a beloved animated film into a live-action movie is intriguing, I am not a fan of the subtext in this one. There are no accidental messages in such multi-million dollar presentations. There never have been. 

Movies and Messages

Movies are made to make money, but in the process are not made in a vacuum. Movies (even the ones in the $2 bin of DVDs at the store) present a worldview. It's inevitable. It cannot be avoided. Christians have struggled with this reality for decades. And, surprisingly, not all Christians agree about movies. For generations, Christians were declared bad and sinful in the church-subculture if they ever went to a movie. Now, churches produce films intended to be shown in the multiplex. 

So-called "faith based" films pop up. Some are good. Most are bad. Many create online debates. Ever heard of "The Shack"? Wow! That hot-mess of messed up trinitarian presentation is causing more confusion and frustrated Christians than even the bogus heaven-tourism flick "Heaven is for Real."

Yet, this new Disney film isn't marketed as "faith-based." I am not sure there's such a thing as a Christian Disney film. Since movies don't go to heaven, there may not be such a thing as a Christian film at all, but I digress.

Dr. Albert Mohler recently shared thoughts on this film on The Briefing and as followers of Christ in the midst of a worldview shift, his words are wise and should be considered.

But we also have to note that when we laugh at something and when we find something interesting and, not to mention, entertaining, effectively our thinking will become aligned with our hearts. That’s exactly why Hollywood is ground zero for so much of the change driving the moral revolution around us. But there is something even more ominous in all of this, and that’s this. We’re not here talking primarily about the effect upon adults, adults’ eyes and ears and minds and hearts, we’re talking about entertainment with an agenda, an agenda to reach eyes and ears and hearts and minds directed at children, and very effectively so.

I guess most of us suspected that it was only a matter of time before some film directors said something like,

“It is a nice, exclusively gay moment in a Disney movie.”

But now we know that that time is now. It may not be surprising, but it truly is shocking.

While some call for boycotts, I am not. However, I do think families should consider how what is sold as entertainment actually impacts belief systems. Parents should consider this.

It's Not "Just a Movie"

It's really not about "Beauty and the Beast" or the LGBT revolution. That's just the clear issue on the front-page today (it will be old news in about a week). It is about living with a biblical worldview as ambassadors for Christ in a world that rejected him. 

Declaring loudly all that we are against will likely not lead to engaging conversations about the Gospel. However, ignoring the blatant worldview shifts seems to lead many to live isolated from the mission. 

Oh, and please don't fall into the "It's just a movie" or "It's fiction, enjoy it" groups. Nothing is ever just anything. The story is much larger and the mission becomes even more clear. 

The Real "Tale As Old As Time"

The "Tale As Old As Time" is truly about a battle and a rescue. It did not start in a castle with a beast and some talking dishes. It began in a garden. Actually, it began prior to that. This tale includes beauty, deception, rebellion, shame, death, rescue, and life. 

Christians must be wise and understand the times. As for the characters in the latest Disney film, they are not real, but they represent the depravity of humanity clearly. Perhaps this is why people are so drawn to the stories. 


Putting a Stop to the Youth Exodus in the Church

For the past few years, church leaders and evangelicals have been lamenting the loss of younger people in the church. While some new church starts and mega-box churches have seen growth in seeming success in reaching the younger generation, the statistics show a loss overall. Much has been written about this and most hearkens back to Pew Research Center's 2015 report. While that report is two years old, it is likely no significant changes have occurred.

Generational labels differ based on what study is cited or book read, but by and large, the Millennials (born between 1981 and 2000) and Generation Z/Boomlets (born after 2000 ) are trending away from the church. There's not as much data regarding Generation Z, but the older portion of the generation are in high school and graduating this year. 

Generation Z/Boomlets

This generation has been described this way (from MarketingTeacher.com):

  • In 2006 there were a record number of births in the US and 49% of those born were Hispanic, this will change the American melting pot in terms of behavior and culture. The number of births in 2006 far outnumbered the start of the baby boom generation, and they will easily be a larger generation.
  • Since the early 1700s the most common last name in the US was "Smith" but not anymore, now it is "Rodriguez."
  • There are two age groups right now:
    • Tweens.
      • Age 8-12 years old.
      • There will be an estimated 29 million tweens by 2009.
      • $51 billion is spent by tweens every year with an additional $170 billion spent by their parents and family members directly for them.
    • Toddler/Elementary school age.
  • 61 percent of children 8-17 have televisions in their rooms.
  • 35 percent have video games.
  • 14 percent have a DVD player.
  • 4 million will have their own cell phones. They have never known a world without computers and cell phones.
  • Have Eco-fatigue: they are actually tired of hearing about the environment and the many ways we have to save it.
  • With the advent of computers and web-based learning, children leave behind toys at younger and younger age. It’s called KGOY-kids growing older younger, and many companies have suffered because of it. Most recognizable is Mattel, the maker of Barbie dolls. In the 1990s the average age of a child in their target market was 10-years-old, and in 2000 it dropped to three-years-old. As children reach the age of four and five, old enough to play on the computer, they become less interested in toys and begin to desire electronics such as cell phones and video games.
  • They are savvy consumers and they know what they want and how to get it and they are over saturated with brands.

The Numbers

Pew Research shared the following:

Religious “nones” – a shorthand we use to refer to people who self-identify as atheists or agnostics, as well as those who say their religion is “nothing in particular” – now make up roughly 23% of the U.S. adult population. This is a stark increase from 2007, the last time a similar Pew Research study was conducted, when 16% of Americans were “nones.” (During this same time period, Christians have fallen from 78% to 71%.)

Overall, religiously unaffiliated people are more concentrated among young adults than other age groups – 35% of Millennials (those born 1981-1996) are “nones.” In addition, the unaffiliated as a whole are getting even younger. The median age of unaffiliated adults is now 36, down from 38 in 2007 and significantly younger than the overall median age of U.S. adults in 2014.

Yet numbers can be confusing and sometimes do not tell the full story. In a 2016 article, Pew reveals the factors leading the growth of "nones" in the US:

Indeed, our Religious Landscape Study finds a clear generational pattern: Young people who are not particularly religious seem to be much more comfortable identifying as “nones” than are older people who display a similar level of religious observance. Nearly eight-in-ten Millennials with low levels of religious commitment describe themselves as atheists, agnostics or “nothing in particular.” By contrast, just 54% of Americans in the Silent and Greatest generations who have low levels of religious commitment say they are unaffiliated; 45% claim a religion. A similarly striking gap between Millennials and others is also seen among those with a “medium” level of religious commitment.

What Can the Church Do?

Normally, at least it has been my experience, when data like this surfaces, churches and denominations react, rather than respond. In many cases, the exodus of young people comes as a surprise, all too late. Parents who had faithfully attended church, signed their children up for every program and event from AWANA to DiscipleNow, youth camp, mission trips, etc. wonder where they went wrong when the now adult child seemingly walks away from church with no intent of coming back. 

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In the past, churches would say (well, not out loud, but it was a predominant thought) "Just wait until they get married and have kids. Then, they'll come back to church." Maybe that was true a generation ago, but it doesn't seem to be now. The fact is that young parents who just attended church and were entertained as teenagers seem to find more community in social networking sites, school activities, athletic endeavors for kids, and other areas and church is not avoided...it just never come across their minds.

Yet, all hope is not lost.

Reaction is not the answer, but godly response is. 

What we are facing is not new. Have you ever read the Old Testament? When you read Moses' commands to the next generation in Deuteronomy 6 regarding the passing on of truth to the next generations, there is a since of fear in his words. The fear is that unless the family teaches of God, models worship in the home, and remembers the covenant past with God, the kids and grandkids will not only forget, but walk away. The journey away from God is not without consequence.

What faithful parent or grandparent of a prodigal hasn't shared similar lamentation in prayer?

Since trends tend to raise awareness, let's look at observable trends of those who have not abandoned the faith.

Jon Nielson, Pastor of College Church in Wheaton, Illinois, recently shared an article highlighting some of the trends he has personally observed of faithful Millennials and young adults (full article here).

  1. They are converted. Sometimes, we deem attendance as a faith indicator. Yet, just being in the youth room or the church building does not a convert make. Teenagers from "good families" who get good grades, play football, cheer, get accepted to multiple schools, etc. are considered by many in the church to be "good kids" and while they may comparatively be, the problem is when salvation is presumed. Christians truly don't abandon Christ. Church attenders and members do.
  2. They have been equipped, not entertained. Oh boy, this is big. "Come to our youth group. It's really fun!" isn't a bad thing, but when everything in the ministry is focused on the student or young person, rather than on the God we worship we perpetuate a "better than the church down the street" model that defaults to the latest events, concerts, praise band, dodgeball tournament, ski trip, and other such events (which are not bad...they're just no the ultimate point.) I'm all for fun and I like being entertained, but if we're simply creating consumers of Chrstianese rather than making disciples, no wonder the younger generation walks away. "Big church" will never be that fun. Seriously - the deacon retreat is not quite the level of youth camp. 
  3. Their parents preached the gospel to them. Better yet, their parents worshipped with them and not just at church. The gospel was lived out, modeled, and shared. Normative home life was Christ-centric. Parents who are discipled well disciple well. When the parents are not believers, the church fills the gap. The problem occurs when Christian parents outsource discipling their children to the "professional Christians" at the church. Let's just say that after decades of promoting this model, the proof is in the pudding. It does not work.

Walker Moore of Awe Star Ministries developed a model of student ministry years ago where students led. The gifting of "significant tasks" to students for the health of the ministry allows God to work in and through young people at levels where the "come into the youth room and wait for the adults to feed you" model never will. 

So, what can we do? We can remember. God has not abandoned young adults and teenagers. And, God is not through with the older generations, either. It's not like all the Boomers and Gen Xers are believers, right?

I'm not pessimistic when I read the statistics. I'm actually happy that the scales are now falling off our eyes. Sure, many are walking away, but it's not too late. We (the church) are now being forced back to Scripture and the model is clear. Disciple-making is our commission. It begins in the home, not the church building. Family equipping discipleship is more than a model. It's a biblical command (Deut 6). 

I believe God is recalibrating our focus. While we may be as fearful as Moses, the hope we have in Christ remains. So, don't lose heart. 


When Your Child's Sin Leads To Your Bitterness

Parenting isn't for cowards. That sentence was used in a book title years ago and there's much truth in it. Yet, as challenging as parenting may be, the blessings of God through being allowed to parent His image-bearers are innumerable.

 

 

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Photo credit: Steve Snodgrass via Visualhunt / CC BY

As a pastor I hear many stories from friends and church members related to heartbreak and pain connected to the sins of their children. My wife and I are not immune to these feelings either, so I must say I was pleasantly and uncomfortably jarred this morning while reading a book on biblical parenting. 

The book is The Faithful Parent: A Biblical Guide to Raising a Family by Martha Peace and Stuart Scott. For a good review of the book by The Gospel Coalition, click here.

Uncomfortably Jarred

Knowing the truth and doing what God desires are not always the same thing. After years of struggling with personal angst regarding some family issues with a child, Peace and Scott's writing revealed something I have been holding within. Through the words of Ephesians 4:31-32, God revealed that I had allowed bitterness to solidify within my heart. 

The section I was reading is titled "When Things Don't Go As Planned" and is focused on Christian parents who raise rebellious, unsaved, unrepentant children and wonder "How did this happen?" I share Peace and Scott's words on this here (from pages 180-181):

Instead of being angry and bitter, we are to trust and be kind, compassionate, and forgiving. We are to go the extra mile (Matt. 5:41), return good for evil (Rom. 12:21), and pray for those who persecute us (Matt. 5:44). If we do not obey these commands we may find ourselves doing ridiculous things such as sharing the gospel in anger or using anger to try to change the heart.

For the anger of man does not produce the righteousness that God requires. (James 1:20)

Bitterness can be hard to see in ourselves because we're so busy rehearsing why we didn't deserve what has happened to us. Ask yourself these questions to help evaluate whether you're bitter.

  • Am I withdrawing my love and commitment to my child or God?
  • Am I shocked and appalled that my child would sin against me?
  • Do I wonder how God could do/allow this to happen to me?
  • Am I not willing (or finding it very difficult) to do good to my child or for God?
  • Do I feel I deserve to be treated better by God?
  • Do I find myself avoiding my child?
  • Do I secretly delight in his misfortune?
  • Do I see his sin as the "log" and mine as the "speck" before God?

Repent of any bitterness that you have! Make glorifying God your focus instead of dwelling on how you're being treated.

Boom!

Guilty.

Bitterness is a deadly thing. It's like a cancer that seeps in unknown, but infects all areas - especially attitude. Is this just about me? No. I know many parents who have faced the very same feelings. Somewhere in the midst of "log" and "speck" analysis, anger, hurt, frustration, and pain become all that is known. 

And the Enemy wins a small battle.

Nowhere in this section is sin minimized - the sin of the child (speck or log) or the sin of the parent (speck or log), but the strategy of the Enemy is clear. Bitterness leads to sin and ineffective Christian living. Sin hurts. It always does.

Our Perfect Father knows how this feels. Read Isaiah 1:2-4 for details. 

Peace and Scott remind us...

He knows what it is like to be rejected by those whom he has loved and cared for. He knows what it is like to see a loved one headed for disaster. He knows what it is to long for his children to return to their senses (Matt. 23:37). He knows what it is to have anguish over his own, although they may cause it. Rest assured, God the Father is able to sympathize with you and knows how to work with the wayward.

Trust him. Remember, grace is enough. 


A Rite of Passage for Junior High Boys

Nine years ago a school administrator and two teachers began a mentoring club at one of our local junior high schools for boys, simply put, who had little to no father influence and were getting into trouble in class.  This administrator, John Green is the founder of the group and eventually became principal of the school. He is now serving on the leadership staff at Seamark Ranch, a local ministry with group homes for children in need.

The mentoring group continues to meet, and currently has chapters at three local junior high schools. Our clubs (RealStuff Clubs) focus on leading young men into REAL Manhood that…

  • Rejects passivity
  • Expects the greater reward
  • Accepts responsibility, and
  • Leads courageously. 

As a ministry of our church, we provide male mentors for these young boys. Our groups meet for one hour a week, prior to school in a room reserved on the campus. We abide by the law regarding student leadership and faculty sponsorship (Equal Access Act) to ensure no false allegations of “separation of church and state” have any grounding. We teach sessions on what it means to be a real man, using characters from the Bible and ultimately Jesus Christ as our perfect model.

Each year, as the culmination of our club meetings, we host a “Knighting Ceremony” where 7th graders are “knighted” into the journey of authentic manhood before their peers and family members. Each 7th grader receives a Bible as a gift. Our 8th graders receive the cross pendant from Band of Brothers ministry.

In the past, our mentors were the “knighters” and the presenters of the pendants. However, we now affirm that the ones who need to be doing this are the boys’ fathers (or grandfathers, or other significant male.) As mentors, we gladly stand in the gap for boys who have no father figure in their lives. Yet, for those with fathers, we focus on helping them learn how to do this vital rite of passage.

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So, this year, with over 250 in attendance (boys, parents, siblings, grandparents, etc.) our young men were charged with the code of being a real man, then their fathers were invited up to knight them (7th graders) or present the pendant (8th graders.) The fathers of 7th graders knighted these boys in the “name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit” and welcomed them into this fraternity called real manhood. The fathers of the 8th graders presented the pendant and then in their ear, spoke a word of blessing that included these key phrases “I love you! You have what it takes!” plus anything else they desired to say.

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It was a momentous evening and while it was focused on the boys, it truly was a night to remember for these fathers. For some, it was the first time they had spoken such words to their sons. Many had never heard their own fathers say such things. It was a divine rite of passage and we seek to provide support for them along the journey.

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RealStuff Clubs Launch in August

What's old is new again.

Or, as Solomon once said, "What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun." 

We're announcing the launch of RealStuff Clubs in local schools in August 2016, but for the many adults who years ago were part of my student ministry, the name sounds very familiar. The name of our student ministry a couple of decades ago was RealStuff Youth Ministry.

So, this club launch proves...

  • I am not really creative
  • I still like acronyms
  • I am nostalgic (or I live in the past)
  • Twitter and website domains limit the development of new ministry names (because someone else has already claimed them)
  • I was tired of trying to think of a new name.

RealStuff Clubs aren't actually new, but are the next iteration of an on-campus club I have been serving in and leading for the past few years. Originally, the club was for boys only and met in a local junior high school. Founded by John Green, former principal at Lakeside Junior High School and current Education Director at Seamark Ranch, the "Gentlemen Gators" (the mascot for LJHS is the Gator) was developed to help young men who do not have strong, godly male leadership in their lives develop the manners, character and wisdom needed to succeed in life. Gentlemen Gators morphed into "Real Manhood" a few years ago. The name change was to allow the clubs to be expanded to other schools and using the "Gator" in the name would limit where that could happen. Also, by focusing on the word "REAL" the definition of authentic manhood as developed by the leadership of Men's Fraternity and 33 was used. A "REAL" man is one who Rejects passivity, Expects the greater reward, Accepts responsibility and Leads courageously.

Realstuff clubs fb header

Of course, as we gathered each week over the years we would inevitably have young ladies and parents of young ladies asking for a girl's version of this club. Until now, we really didn't have the option to do this without forfeiting our focus.

It has become clear that God is raising up a generation of young men and women who are truly seeking to know what it means to follow Him and, in a culture that continues to strip away defining terms, understand what it means to live as a godly man and woman. To say that we live in an era of gender confusion is an understatement. Therefore, we are retooling the Real Manhood group once more to be open to both young men and women in the fall. The new group is an old name for me - RealStuff Clubs.

The "stuff" we will focus on centers on the Gospel.

These clubs will be student-led with adult mentors and campus coaches serving in the weekly meetings. 

Do we really need more Christian clubs?

This is a question that some have asked. Ultimately, we don't need more parachurch organizations, but what we do need is the church to engage the culture where the crowd exists. While our schools have some great parachurch groups meeting on campus such as FCA and YoungLife, the RealStuff Clubs will offer a church-centric student group on campus with a strategic focus of developing student leaders, focusing on God's design for men and women, and resource parents and guardians of the students to be the lead disciplers in the home.

Each RealStuff Club will function with a monthly schedule where each week emphasizes a specific purpose. This strategy is not unique to us, in that many school clubs do similar things.

REAL WEEKS

  • REACH WEEK - Week One of every month is REACH WEEK. During this week's meeting we share stories of how God is working on our campus and through our lives to reach others for Him. Stories are shared that emphasize the characteristics of real manhood and womanhood with mentors available to break down the details and expound on the biblical truths.
  • EQUIP WEEK - Week Two of every month is EQUIP WEEK. During this gathering, we spend time training students in the basics of sharing their faith. This is a "back to basics" approach of apologetics. 
  • ASK WEEK - Week Three is ASK WEEK. We spend time together in our small groups, with mentors and leaders asking God to bless our campus and give us "eyes to see and ears to hear" what He is doing in our midst. This is a time of real prayer. We specifically ask God to lead our friends to attend LIFE WEEK and that many may surrender to Him.
  • LIFE WEEK - Week Four is LIFE WEEK. We have a special guest and either breakfast or pizza available (depending on when the club meets). This is the week where the Gospel is shared clearly to all with an opportunity for people to respond to His call.
  • WEEK FIVE - Every quarter we end up with a fifth week. During this week, each club will offer unique opportunities and engaging teaching that fits with the actions steps needed to implement that which as been taught in the previous weeks. 

We hope to have RealStuff Clubs in every junior high and high school in our county. 

Again, as part of our firstFAMILY Network, this ministry seeks to go where the crowd is for the sake of the Gospel. For more on RealStuff Clubs and to journey with us during this genesis time, go to realstuff.club and follow us on Facebook and Twitter.


firstFAMILY Podcast 007: When Does a Boy Become a Man?

When does a boy become a man? That's the question I have asked many at men's conferences, retreats and even one-on-one. I get a variety of answers, but the bottom line is that in our culture, there is no definitive rite of passage. The celebration of adolescence has created a wide, blurred line between childhood and adolescence. These boys are not quite children, but not adult either. 

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The Bible gives no credence to a life stage between childhood and adulthood. That has basically developed within the past century. 

In an era of confusion regarding gender, adulthood, and life, children need rites of passage and parents are the first, best option for bestowing biblical manhood and womanhood. 

In today's podcast, I talk primarily about young boys and the journey into manhood.


Broken or Just Embarrassed?

There are numerous times I am asked to pray for family members and loved ones of friends who seem to be walking away from God or are overtly anti-Christian, anti-church, and anti-God. The heartbreak of parents lamenting the walking away of children from the faith is overwhelming. The church is full of parents struggling with the prodigal story. Some sought to raise their children in the faith. Others came to Christ later in life themselves and lament the lost years where God was not honored in the home.

As I sort through the emotions that come with these stories (and there are many stories like this) I must also look at my own response. As others in the ministry can attest, we are not protected from these stories. They often become more than something we are seeking to help others manage, but also biographical.

It wasn't long ago a question came to my mind.

I'm ashamed to even admit the answer to the question that I offered, yet as I continue through this journey of life, perhaps others have felt this as well.

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In the midst of the hurt, the grief, and the pain, when a child (or a spouse, close friend, other loved one...you pick the scenario) walks away from a life of Christ-centeredness, church, morality and a biblical worldview, am I broken for the sin expressed or just embarrassed by how these actions make me appear?

Oh, I know the right answer.

As a Christian, sin should grieve me. I should have compassion for those struggling with faith questions. I should pray for the Light of the world to shine brightly through the encompassing darkness loved ones find around them. I should be broken, seriously broken for how sin has entered my story and kidnapped my beloved. 

That's how Christ expressed his feelings over the people, right?

Right.

Yet, because of self-centeredness and a religious viewpoint on many things, that which should be expressed is suppressed. Am I really broken, or just embarrassed? When a person is hurt by a loved one the pain goes much deeper than if it were just from an acquaintance. If hurt by a stranger, anger may be expressed, but again, it's not as deep as from a loved one.

I think of Judas' kiss and betrayal of Christ. He was not just a member of the crowd. He was a close friend, a loved one, one of the twelve. Oh, I know he was a thief from the beginning. So did Christ. Yet, I also know that Judas was loved.

The betrayal hurt, but only a loved one can betray, right?

So friends as you sort through your responses to prodigal children, betraying spouses, hurtful relatives and those who seemingly walk out of the church never to return (at least via their expressed plans) how do you feel?

Yeah, feelings are dangerous, yet you still have them. So, how do you feel?

Beyond the anger, frustration, and hurt, does the sin that seemingly kidnapped your loved one leave you broken in grief and moved to deeper prayer and trust in a God who loves your loved ones more than even you? Or...and this may surprise you at the truth...are you really just embarrassed because of how your loved one has chosen to walk away? In many cases, the walk away isn't hidden from your church family and friends. Thanks to social media and an inability for most people to live their lives privately, everyone (it seems) will soon know the lifestyle choices of your loved one.

And that may leave you embarrassed, right?

Or...broken.

May we see the story for what it is and understand the Enemy's tactics well. May we have compassion for those who are far from God and remove ourselves from the center of the story. If my embarrassment is the primary factor, the story is all about me! Yet, brokenness over lostness leads to reliance on the God of grace and mercy. 

Life is difficult and no story runs smoothly, especially if you're intent on honoring God. However, it is wise to remember the depth and strength of the love of an unchanging God in the midst of the difficult days. Continue to love people, even those who have betrayed you. That, my friends, is impossible apart from the grace of God.

In truth, I'm embarrassed that I have been more embarrassed than broken.

Of this, I repent.


firstFAMILY Podcast 004: Tech Savvy Parenting with Brian Housman

In today's podcast, I interview Brian Housman of 360 Family about his book and seminar titled Tech Savvy Parenting Brian has spent more than twenty years speaking into the lives of students and parents. His experiences as a school administrator, camp director, and youth pastor have allowed him to see families in the culture from many different perspectives. As the founder of 360Family, Brian has spoken at more than 200 conferences, churches and schools including work with D6, K-Love, and FamilyLife Today. His work can be read monthly in Parenting Teens and Homeschooling Today magazines. 

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Did you know 9 out of 10 student aged 8-18 have viewed Internet porn? Did you know 31% of all adolescents lie about their age on the Internet? Did you know more than half of parents fear their child being contacted online by a stranger?

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The Tech Savvy Parenting workshop will be held at firstFAMILY Church on Sunday, March 6 (lunch provided) and Monday, March 7 at Montclair Elementary School. In this informative workshop we look at current research into gaming systems, internet activities, and online communities. Parents will leave this workshop not only with a working knowledge of the web culture but also with specific step you can take as a parent to safeguard your home and child's life. Parents will also be equipped to talk about touchy subjects such as internet pornography, cyber bullying, online integrity, and many more.

Brian has given parents a road map to dealing with their teen’s technology. Tech-Savvy Parenting isn’t just about big issues like texting and internet – it’s about walking parents through practical steps they can take immediately. – Scott Lotta, Parenting Teens Magazine

For more information on Brian, his resources and the conferences, go to techsavvyparenting.com and 360family.org.

 


Tebow's Sex Life Exposed

In the era of sound bites and Tweets, news comes and goes at light speed. Our cultural norm is to elevate athletes and celebrities to high status. If an individual has a large following on social media and in entertainment news, he/she is seemingly "always" in the news.

image from http://s3.amazonaws.com/hires.aviary.com/k/mr6i2hifk4wxt1dp/15120111/582a2278-62f0-43e8-b25f-eaff1ef754f3.png
From the Official Tim Tebow Facebook page

Tim Tebow is one such individual.

He burst onto the scene as a high school senior quarterback at Nease High School. At least, for those of us who live in the northeast Florida area, that was when we began to hear his name on the local sports reports regularly. I remember the drama that came when he declared where he would be playing college football. His choice to attend the University of Florida was celebrated by many in this area. I distinctly remember him giving a faux apology to his then pastor, Dr. Jerry Vines, for not attending the University of Alabama (I believe I remember that correctly.)

From his first "jump pass" for a touchdown as a Gator, Tebow cemented himself into the American entertainment and sports culture. He has found much success in his journey - Heisman Trophy winner, NFL first-round pick, leading his team to playoff wins and most recently as one of the talking heads at the SEC Channel's version of "GameDay Live." 

Tim's celebrity status has transcended football.

He is a celebrity and he knows the world is watching.

I have found that as Jenny Rapson recently wrote in her open to letter to Tebow on her blog: I know that people love to love you or they love to hate you.

Amazingly, for many the love/hate issues have to do with Tebow's statements about faith and Christianity. He has spoken consistently since a microphone was first thrust into his face, he has been winsome and not condescending. Some take issue with his touchdown prayer stance (which either affectionately or derisively became known as "Tebowing") but by and large, Tebow's walk as a Christian has been personal, clear and consistent. He even seems to have fun in life, which apparently frustrates some who struggle with seeing a good-looking, popular, athletic Christian enjoying life. 

Some of the love/hate has more to do with the logo on his football helmet while in college than his faith.

But, I digress.

Yesterday, I was told he was in the news again, but this time it wasn't about a potential tryout for an NFL team or regarding some antics at the SEC Network. This time it was about his love life and his breakup with his girlfriend Olivia Culpo.

Tebow has been open and clear about his conviction to remain chaste and a virgin until he enters into a biblical marriage relationship. That statement from a teenager or college freshman is powerful. However, it seems that many who heard him make these claims years ago just politely shook their head and quietly thought "Yeah. . .we'll see how long that lasts."

Tweet: Apparently a man with personal convictions is a rare thing. @davidtark Apparently a man with personal convictions is a rare thing.

From all reports, Tim has kept his vow of celibacy and is waiting.

And, according to news reports that are flooding the internet, this decision has cost him his latest relationship with Olivia Culpo.

As with most entertainment news reports (which used to be touted as "celebrity gossip") stories come out quickly even if all the facts are not known.

I think it is unfair to Tim and whomever he is dating at the time that all relationship details are presented to the world. I know, the argument is that if a person desires to be in the public eye, he/she is willingly sacrificing privacy. I have heard that for years, but it seems a pretty shallow excuse for spreading personal details. As is the case often, the persons whose details are shared end up being hurt, or at a minimum judged unfairly.

So, Tebow is in the news again because he is a good looking guy who has decided to remain sexually pure.

This is newsworthy?

Some people seem to be collectively shaking their heads as if to say "What's wrong with this guy?"

At the same time, the cultural shift that now proudly wears open sexuality like a new pair of shoes and proclaims victory of the "free love" generation is celebrated as progressive and evolved.

Tweet: The church struggles to be heard as we seek to minister to the refugees of the sexual revolution. @davidtark
 The church struggles to be heard as we seek to minister to the refugees of the sexual revolution.

As for Tim and Olivia - we probably will never know the full details regarding their breakup. And, we shouldn't.

In fact, one buried article on Us Magazine's webpage, regarding the breakup, states this:

Indeed, the Culpo source reiterates to Us that Tebow liked Culpo a lot, but her heart just wasn't ready for a new romance. "He was very into her," the source tells Us. "But she just got out of a long-term relationship, and was not interested."

However, that statement is not the one being tweeted. It is not the headline making rounds. The big story is that they broke up because Tim wouldn't have sex before marriage. True or not, the story reeks of an invasion of privacy, trivializes the sexual relationship between a man and woman, and while attempting to show Tebow as an old-fashioned prude, actually paints a horrible picture of Miss Culpo.

But, that's entertaining, right?

When all the dust settles and another celebrity story pushes Tim and Olivia off the trending page of Twitter, they will still be living their lives, seeking next steps and prayerfully, following God's lead.

Nevertheless, in the midst of this public fallout, there is value. Regardless what the dirty little details of this story truly are, this much is declared as true - Tim Tebow, a sports and entertainment celebrity who is immensely popular and has sought to speak consistently and in a winsome way about life and his relationship with Jesus Christ has taken a counter-culture stance on human sexuality and relationship. That position has given parents with young, impressionable children a jumping off point to talk about faith, sex and relationships in a healthy way.

From Jenny Rapson's open letter to Tim on For Every Mom, she says as much. . .

And now, thanks to the New York Daily News and the world wide interwebz, I also know that you’re not getting any (sex.) BY CHOICE. It seems you got dumped by this hot little number (no big deal, just Miss USA and Miss Universe) because you wouldn’t put out.

And it is BIG FREAKING NEWS! It seems everyone cares that you’re a virgin. THAT’S gotta feel kinda weird.

But Tim, trust me when I say, it’s her loss. And believe me when I say, words cannot express how grateful I am to you for not being ashamed to take a stand on premarital sex. Because although I don’t give two craps about football (sorry) I DO give two craps about teaching my kids that sex before marriage is not what God wants for us. That it is—dare I say?—wrong.

And Tim, I’ve got two sons, one on the cusp of puberty. And he DOES give two craps about football (and Jesus. Score!). And he thinks you’re pretty great because you love football and you love Jesus and I am 100% sure that at school today among his peers, he also learned that you love following God’s commands more than you love following your sexual desires. Because I am quite sure everyone in the 6th grade was talking about you and Miss Universe today.

And thank God they were. Thank God my son has someone super-famous and successful in the limelight saying the same things about sex that his dad and I are. Thank God and thank you, Tim Tebow.

My daughter is a little young for this conversation, but thanks to you, there are a lot of young girls reading this story today and realizing that there ARE men out there who will wait. There ARE men who will put God above themselves, who will do what’s right when it comes to sex. Because of you they now know that what the world tells them, that “no one waits”, is wrong. So THANK YOU again.

Tim, I don’t know how your heart is feeling today. Getting dumped is surely never fun. But may I encourage you and say that standing up for what you believe in is something you’ll never regret? I truly believe that, as much as I believe that you will find the RIGHT girl who is willing to wait for you, and willing to be 2nd in your heart to Christ.

I think she about sums it up.

I'm sorry Tim and Olivia's relationship is even newsworthy. I'm sorry I even know about it. However, there is redeeming value here as Rapson states. As for Tim and Olivia, perhaps those who declare to worship Christ as Tim does, should spend a few moments praying for these two who have now had very personal details of their lives (thought likely not fully accurate) spread across the internet. 

Tim - you're not my idol. You're not my hero. You are my brother in Christ. As a brother with a common Father, I pray for you. 

Olivia - I don't know much about you, but reports are you are a follower of Christ as well. That being said, I choose to not base an understanding of who you are based on flimsy reporting. It is clear that you deserve my prayers as well.

(Oh, I fully realize that odds of Tim and Olivia actually reading this blog posting are slim to none, but for those of us who claim the name of Christ, would you join me in praying for these two?)

 

 


There Are No "Participation Trophies" in Life

James Harrison of the Pittsburgh Steelers made headlines earlier this year when he took his children's "participation" trophies away and returned them. Some decried this as mean-spirited. Others celebrated the move as something that many parents should be doing.

Here's Harrison's Instagram explaining why the trophies would be returned (and were according to later reports.)

 

More recently, he posted this update about his boys and their trophies (earned this time.)

 Perhaps that is the genesis for this trending commercial for Kia. 

 

 

 

Since we now have a generation that has been rewarded with trophies that are unearned (and likely collecting dust in their rooms on top of shelves) we must address how this impacts faith development and the understanding of eternity. For Boomers or Gen Xers to blame Millennials for their apparent desire to be gifted a trophy for just showing up is short-sighted. I mean, who started giving out the trophies any way?

Haydn Shaw, in his book Sticking Points: How to Get 4 Generations Working Together in the 12 Places They Come Apart, he shares this account:

A participant in a seminar I led told me about his experience with another parent whose child was on the same youth soccer team: "After our team was beaten soundly in a game, the other child's mother said we should make a 'parent bridge' for the players to run through as they come off the field to get their treats. Mostly joking, I said that as badly as the boys had played, we should just turn our backs and let them get their own treats. The mother was appalled. I asked her, when her son is thirty years old, still living at home, and unable to find a job, if she and her husband will make a bridge, cheer, and give him a juice box for trying his best? I don' think she thought I was funny."

When it comes to eternity, it is unfortunate that many (of all generations) will find themselves standing before Christ, expecting to be ushered into heaven, only to be told "I don't know you?"

That's not just some mythical fairy-tale story. For those of us who believe the Word of God to be true and take this Story seriously, there is a reality regarding the "end of life" trophies. Jesus speaks clearly about this here in Matthew's Gospel account:

“Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. On that day many will say to me, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?’ And then will I declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.’" Matthew 7:21-23 (ESV)

While eternity is a given for all, a home in heaven is only assured for children of God. Children of God are those who have been adopted into His forever family. That adoption comes through receiving Jesus Christ as Lord and surrendering to Him. Only children of the Father get a "trophy." And, it's not a participation trophy. It's a "crown of righteousness" for those who have overcome the world. The great thing about this trophy is that it has already been paid for and secured. You receive it as victors and you can only be a victor if you're "on the team."