David Tarkington

Bitterness Can Kill You

I think we all know someone who deals with bitterness. It's a dangerous thing, but often we just brush it off with "they need to just get happy" or other such counsel. Unfortunately, there are many who claim to be followers of Christ who at one time or another suffer from this ailment. I say ailment because it truly is a spiritual sickness.

I was told a story today of a brother in Christ who just reeks with negativity, bitterness and anger. I won't use his name, because many of you probably know him. He has transformed over the years, according to those who know him best. The transformation has not been good. Now, people avoid him. Some have come to complain about him to me. The account I heard today didn't surprise me, unfortunately, but does sadden me. The reality is that his name isn't important because all of us can easily find ourselves in this situation. By the way, pray for him, but take a moment to read the rest of this posting for your own spiritual health.

In just about every case where a person is bitter, some event has taken place in the person's life that has caused resentment to develop and grow. 

The writer of Hebrews addresses this. . .

Hebrews 12:15(ESV)
See to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God; that no “root of bitterness” springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled.

The "root of bitterness" is a spiritual issue and cannot be ignored.

One bitter believer will not only miss out on all that God has for him, he will infect others. It's amazing how bitterness and negativity spread like cancer.

A few years ago a friend of mine gave me a study titled "Evidences of Bitterness in Your Life." I'm not sure if he was trying to tell me something or not. Regardless, I read over this and yes, even became convicted in certain areas.

I do not know who wrote this. I would cite it if I did. Perhaps, you do and could send me the details. Nevertheless, the information is powerful, so I thought I'd share it.

Perhaps this can help you, or maybe a friend.

Here are some attitudes which may reflect bitterness (or the "bitter root" as described in Hebrews. Below the attitude, I list some examples of how this is visible in a person's life as well as  insights from a biblical perspective.

DEPRESSION

• His bitternness uses up his emotional energy and then he tends to become depressed. 
• This is illustrated in the life of Jonah (Jonah 4)

MISTRUST

• He is fearful of being hurt again so he is cautious in trusting those around him. 
• This is illustrated in Judges 11:7 in the life of Jepththah.

CRITICISM

• If he is hurt by one in authority his bitterness causes him to be critical of all that his offender stands for, yet he is incapable of helping his offender improve.
• Matthew 7:1-5 speaks of removing the board in one's own eye then being able to remove the speck from another's.

INSENSITIVITY

• He is insensitive to the needs and feelings of those around him because he has built up a wall to protect himself, resulting in others treating him the way he treats his offender.
• Matthew 7:2 lets us know that our judgment will be placed upon us.

PRIDE

• His pride is at its height as he seeks to exalt himself, as well as get revenge on his offender. This focus makes him incapable of serving others.
• It is hard to be a servant when trying to be the greatest for Jesus said in Matthew 23:11 that the servant is the greatest.

TENSION

• His muscles become tense and stiff whenever he thinks about those who hurt him. 
• This tension and accompanying stubbornness produces the term "stiff necked."
• Numerous passages: Exodus 32:9, Jeremiah 17:23, Acts 7:51, etc.

UNGRATEFULNESS

• He looks at the good things that happen to him as compensation for the hurts he has suffered.
• He feels things are owed to him.
• 2 Timothy 3:2 speaks of loving oneself wrongly.

FLATTERY

• If he tried to cover up his bitterness toward the one who hurt him, it may show itself as flattery.
• Proverbs 28:23

OBSESSION FOR REVENGE

• His desire to get revenge continues to grow and he takes every opportunity to hurt the one that offended him through gossip, slander, physical attacks, etc.
• Romans 12:19

Recognizing there is a bitter root growing is the first step, but what can be done to remove this?

Prayer is paramount, and I mean real prayer. I'm not referring to the "prayer list" prayer here. Don't get me wrong, those prayers of intercession are important, but not what's needed here. This is real, conviction, repentance, seeking God, on your face prayers.

Begin your prayer time this way. . .

• Praise God for who He is and all that He has done.
• Let the Enemy know that he has no right to interfere in your time with the Father and in Jesus' name instruct him to leave. You need intimacy with the Father with no distractions.
• Praise God for who He is once again. Be specific. Focus on Him. Thank Him for the freedom (Galatians 5) He has given you in Jesus.

Then. . .begin the process of removing the bitter root:

1. Examine yourself spritually (1 Corinthians 11:28)
2. Confess your hurts to God as the Holy Spirit reveals them. This will no doubt be painful. You are going deep into the wound here. Acknowledge your wrong responses toward the hurts.
3. Do not rationalize. Do not rationalize your responses or the offender's hurts.
4. Repent (Acts 8:22; 3:19). Focus on your responses to the hurt, not what was done to you. Ask God to forgive you for wrong responses. You may think "I didn't respond wrongly!" Well, yes you did or the bitter root would not be growing. Remember, this does not absolve the offender for what he has done to you. This does not say "What he did was OK." This is about your response.
5. Release the one who hurt you and the debt owed to you. This is probably the most difficult. Everything in your being, supported by the culture and your friends would say not to do this. God says to do this. You have to make a choice here.
6. Break any cords of judgment and agreements with the Enemy you have made (Matthew 16:19).
7. Ask the Holy Spirit to fill the place the bitterness occupied (1 Peter 2:14).
8. Ask God for his grace and power for every need and to reveal any other roots you may need to have removed (Hebrews 4:16).
9. Bless the offender (1 Peter 3:9). If number 5 wasn't the hardest, this will be. You can do it.

Remember why Jesus came. He said so himself. . .

Luke 4:18-19(ESV)
“The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”

It's time to be set free.

The Revolutionary Power of Forgiveness

 01 Right Choices & the Power of Forg

 "Forgiveness is not saying that what you (the offender) did is OK?" - Renee Napier

We hosted Renee Napier and Eric Smallridge once again last night. Our desire was to provide an opportunity for even more people to hear the message covering the warnings of driving under the influence and more importantly, the power of true forgiveness. 

If you haven't already, take the time to read yesterday's post that shares more detail about Renee and Eric's story. 

The presentation was spot on last night as well. Unfortunately, we did not have time for Q & A as we did on Tuesday. During the Q & A time, some really deep questions were asked and other tidbits about their journey were shared. Some of the questions, as I remember them were:

To Eric:

• "What are your plans after you get out of prison?" (Eric): I have been taking A/C tech classes while in prison and hope to be able to find a job in this area, or whatever else God has planned for me. I remember what my mom always said "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans," so I try not to plan too far out.
• "What about your girlfriend and her daughter that you mentioned? Are you still in touch? Will you get back together when you get out?" (Eric): Well, she is married now. It's OK, though. It's a reminder to all of us that one bad choice can result in losing so many things.
• "What about your friend Mike who almost stopped you that night?" (Eric): When I went to trial, Mike was brought up as a witness. The lawyer asked him, while pointing at me, "Do you know this man?" Mike said, "Yes, he's my friend Eric." I was suprised and pleased. He still considered me a friend. Then, he asked Mike if he knew the two young ladies in the car that were killed (Meagan and Lisa,) and Mike said "Yes, I've known them for years. They're like little sisters to me." This was horrible. Mike knew all of us involved. I know he carries a burden of wondering if he could have stopped me that night. It's something he's carried with him and probably will continue to. I saw him a couple of years ago when we started this journey of telling our story. I told him that he was not to blame at all. I told him that it was all on me, that I made the decision, that I drove the car. Still, he hurts.
• Have you forgiven yourself? (Eric): That's really hard. There are times I struggle with this. I know God has forgiven me. I know Renee and her family has forgiven me. Forgiving myself is hard.

To Renee:

• "What about Lisa's family?" (Renee:) Lisa's family has forgiven Eric as well. This was hard for me, for them, for my children. Each had to come to this on their own. 
• "Has your story been put in book form?" (Renee:) Not completely, but it is featured in a new book by Matthew West and Angela Thomas called The Story of Your Life. This is a compilation of over fifty stories submitted to Matthew over a year ago. He chose our story and featured it as one of the devotionals. My disclaimer is that I mentioned my son in the submitted story, but for some reason that sentence was edited out. I contacted my son immediately and showed him the original submission. He laughed about it and said, "Mom, that's the story of my life." He's a great man. 
• "Have you been able to travel outside the state of Florida together?" (Renee:) No, that's not allowed. In fact, it's pretty miraculous that we're able to do this. (Eric:) Florida has a policy of never allowing offenders and offendees to be together, so this is unique.
• "You seem really close to Eric?" (Renee:) I love him like a son. In fact, when we finish talking on the phone, we always end with "I love you." 

There were more questions, but these are the ones that come to mind right now. I wish I had recorded the Q & A. 

Regardless, I hope you can get a more complete picture of this story through this posting. Renee and Eric are speaking at Clay High School in Green Cove Springs this morning and then at Oakleaf High School on Friday. Pray for them as they wind down this three-week tour. They will be on the road again soon. They may be able to come back to Clay County or the Jacksonville area next Spring. If so, we will be involved as much as we can.

Never forget - forgiveness is powerful and freeing.

"To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you." - Lewis B. Smedes

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you. - Ephesians 4:32 ESV

 

 

 

I want to offer a special thank you to Sheriff Rick Beseler and the Clay County Sheriff's Office for bringing Renee and Eric to our county and for allowing us the opportunity to partner with them.

Pat's Wrong: Alzheimer's Is Not a Pass to Divorce Spouse

Apparently, on yesterday's broadcast of the 700 Club, Pat Robertson made some pretty over-the-top and controversial statements. That, in and of itself, is not newsworthy or surprising.

This time he was not speaking about politics or God's judgment on nations or anything else that has pushed him to the front page of the mainstream media as in the past. In this situation, he was answering questions from viewers in the show's advice segment.

I do not watch the show but according to Tobin Grant's blog post on the Christianity Today website, Robertson was asked by a woman how she should address a friend who was dating another woman "because his wife as he knows her is gone."

The "gone" reference had to do with the onset of Alzheimer's Disease. Apparently, the friend's wife suffers from Alzheimer's and is in an assisted living facility. She does not recognize her husband. She has no memory of their past. He is a stranger to her every time he visits.

So, he has started seeing another woman and is contemplating divorcing his ill wife in order to marry or at least, continue "guilt free" the relationship with the other woman.

Now, I readily admit that I have never been in the situation that this gentleman is in. I don't even pretend to know the anquish, frustration and heartbreak experienced when one's spouse is "gone" but still alive.

Regardless, when Robertson was asked what to do in this situation, he responded the following way:

That is a terribly hard thing. I hate Alzheimer's. It is one of the most awrul things because here is a loved one - this is the woman or man that you have loved for 20, 30, 40 years and suddenly that person is gone. They're gone. They are gone. So, what he says basically is correct. But, I know it sounds cruel, but if he's going to do something he should divorce her and start all over again. But, to make sure she has custodial care and somebody looking after her.

What?

Seriously?

That's the pastoral, wise counsel offered?

At this point, his co-host, Terry Meeuswon asked "But isn't that the vow that we take when we marry someone? That it's for better or for worse. For richer or poorer?"

It seems that Terry was shocked at Pat's response and was trying to clarify, hoping he really didn't mean what he said. Apparently, he did.

There are numerous examples from within our own fellowship of believers of couples who have faced this scenerio. A few come to mind now who have or are living this out and their response to their loved ones are testimonies of what "for better or worse" and the sanctity of the marriage vows mean. Is it easy for them. Oh no. They would readily admit that. However, there is an understanding of the seriousness God gives to the marriage vows and the responsibility of the spouse to stand firm for a lifetime.

The article by Grant references the story of Robertson McQuilkin, who twenty years ago ended his tenure of 22 years as president of Columbia Bible College and Seminary. He was faced with this very situation and ended his tenure at the college in order to care full-time for his wife, Murial. Murial died in 2003 after suffering for 25 years with the disease. McQuilkin explained his decision in an article written about him following his resignation from the school:

When the time came, the decision was firm. It took no great calculation. It was a matter of integrity. Had I not promised, 42 years before, "in sickness and in health. . .till death do us part?" This was no grim duty to which I stoically resigned. However, it was only fair. She had, after all, cared for me for almost four decades with marvelous devotion; now it was my turn. And such a partner she was! If I took care of her for 40 years, I would never be out of her debt.

Now, that's a good answer.

Even non-believers hear this question and think "What? That's so wrong!" Why? Because they've seen the movie "The Notebook" most likely.

The bottom line is that Alzheimer's Disease is not an excuse to get married. If the question must be asked, the reality is the person already knows it's wrong. It reeks of self-centeredness and is always partnered with the question "Well, doesn't God want me to be happy?"

Simple answer - "No. He wants you to be holy."

Sorry Pat, you're wrong.

What Submission in Marriage Really Means

01 4 - Grace Is the Foundation 1

For the past month, I have been preaching sermons based on what God says regarding marriage. While there were numerous things covered, the primary was not to focus just on the things a husband and wife can do to to better their relationship, though that is a great thing and an intended secondary desire for the series. The primary focus is to see how God designed marriage, between one man and one woman for life, to be the very best picture of Christ's relationship with the church.

Yesterday, I dove into a passage of Scripture that is often used when taking Bible studies that focus on marriage. It is also, in my opinion, one of the most misinterpreted and misused verses in Scripture. There's a little word in this passage that seems to cause great concern for many. 

Just a few weeks ago, one of the Republican nominees for President, who claims to be a believer, was asked about this verse. It was obviously an entrapment question, but the point was made - most people, unbelievers especially, just don't get what this passage means.

Ephesians 5:21-33 (ESV)

Submitting [or submit] to one another out of reverence for Christ.  Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,  so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

The key word that many go to in this passage is submit. That causes some to bristle. Others like it, but for all the wrong reasons and potentially because they don’t understand it. There are some who understand and live it out and can testify to the reality and truth of the command. However, beneath the word “submit” is a greater truth that is revealed in this passage.

In this passage is a greater truth espousing the nature of our God. This is the reality of grace.

While some have read this and even used it in a tyrannical way to set up a hierarchy in marriage that belittles women and misinterprets the roles of the image bearer and God’s greatness, the truth is that apart from grace, biblical submission is not possible.The marriage between a man and woman, being the model chosen by God to illustrate the relationship between Christ and the church, is built upon grace.

Through God’s grace, He pursued His bride – the church. He obtained His church through a costly purchase, by grace. Christ’s church is sustained solely by His grace. We, the church, will be made perfect for Christ by grace.

The reality is that we deserve nothing other than destruction and judgment. Yet, we live. We exist. Our very existence is based upon His grace. 

Apart from grace, even if not fully comprehended, man could not and would not forgive. The emphasis of grace is made known in this simple definition – treating people better than they deserve. This is the heart of grace. 

It is a central part of what it means to be transformed by the Holy Spirit of God. The reality of who we are in Christ, as redeemed believers, should overwhelm us. It is the biggest deal of all of life.

This grace made known through Christ leads to unmerited forgiveness.

Grace and forgiveness are two lanes on the same highway. Both emanate from the character of God. Both grace and forgiveness are given to the image-bearers and children of God through the power of the Holy Spirit. There is then the expectation that we would also gift others with grace and forgiveness.  

Mark 11:26 (ESV)

But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father who is in heaven forgive your trespasses.

Yet, there are things beyond forgiveness that come by grace in this relationship called marriage.

Consider the implications of Ephesians 5:25-27 regarding marriage. This is the pursuit of godliness in Christ.  These verses take us beyond forgiveness. They will melt away all misinformation regarding submission that confuse so many. 

Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.

Now, here's a sub-heading that received some attention yesterday when I presented it.

HUSBANDS ARE TO CHANGE THEIR WIVES

This does not mean "get a new wife" or "trade her in for a younger model." The point is to stay married to the same woman, yet lead her to change. 

When you contemplate Christ’s relationship to the church, he is intently seeking to change the nature of the bride. He is working to change her into something morally and spiritually beautiful. He seeks this and attains this at a great cost – His life. His love for the church and desire to glorify the Father led him to the cross.

Think of the implications of this relationship as it relates to how a husband thinks and acts with a view of changing his wife. This seems so contradictory to modern thought.

• “You shouldn’t want to change anyone.”
• “What if the wife is godly and the husband needs to change?”

That's a good point and a good question. Yet, the concept of transformation is biblical. This does not presume that the husband is infallible or without need for change. In fact, both husband and wife need to change greatly as they grow mature in the faith. 

The deeper, grace-filled implication here is that the husband, who loves like Christ, bears a unique responsibility for the moral and spiritual growth of his wife – which means that over time, God willing, change happens.

This is very shaky ground, I understand this. There is a danger that some men will hear this concept of change and distort what the Word says to create a theology (or a "me-ology") that is based upon his selfishness and sinful desires. The text does not lead there. It leads us to a totally different place.

Consider these things. . . 

1. The husband is to be like Christ. This does not mean that the husband is like Christ in every way. Men are finite. We are not omnipotent. We are not God. We are sinful. We mess up royally at times. Christ was not and is not. Therefore, we dare not presume that we are infallible, nor should we misuse this passage for our own selfish desires.
2. The conformity referenced here is to Christ, not the husband. “Sanctify her” so that he may present her to himself “in splendor.” “Holy”. These implications are for the husband's desire for his wife. Our desires are to be measured not by our standards, but by God’s.
3. The love is so pure, so deep, so real that the husband should be willing to die for her, as Christ did for the church. This is incredibly radical.

Husbands – if you’re pursuing this verse by lording over your wife, you are totally missing the point. You are running the risk of leading your wife not to purity and conformity to Christ, but to sin.

If a husband is loving his wife this deeply, her heart is changed. His desire is for this will be expressed to his wife not as humiliation, but as servanthood. Christ the Son of God, God the Son, came as a servant – the suffering servant and led his bride to newness. So, too, are husbands to do this for their wives. 

WIVES ARE TO CHANGE THEIR HUSBANDS

Again, this does not mean that wives are to "trade up" or leave one husband for a new one. This falls under the same guideline of staying married to one many for life. 

The husband’s headship is not identical to Christ’s – it is like it.

Therefore, the wife’s submission to the husband is not identical to her submission to Christ – it is like it.

The analogy of submitting to one’s husband as to the Lord only works if the wife is first submitted to the Lordship of Christ. Then, and only then, will she be in a place to submit to her husband without committing idolatry.

The wife will see the need for change in her husband. She will see this as she is drawn closer to the Lord. Transformation and change (into the man of God He desires) should occur while she still respects her husband as her head – leader, protector, provider.

Some implications. . .

1. Prayer for Change. A wife relates to her husband the way the church should relate to Christ. The church prays to Christ—or to God the Father through Christ. When the church prays to her husband, she asks Him to do things a certain way. If we (the church - the bride) are sick, we ask him for healing. If we are hungry, we ask for our daily bread. If we are lost, we ask for direction, etc. Since we believe in the absolute sovereignty of Christ to govern all things, this means that we look at the present situation that he has ordained, and we ask him to change it. (This statement was made by John Piper in a message on marriage.) It’s just an analogy and taken too far, it falls apart in that the church doesn’t pray to Christ to change His imperfections. He has none. It is a request for change of circumstances or situations. In this way, wives will ask husbands for change in ways he is living and doing things.
2. Every husband needs to change. None of us have arrived. None are without sin. The message of the Gospel to the heart of men has been muted for generations and the very best thing a man can do for his wife is to become the authentic, real man God has created him to be.  This means change. Big change.
3. A good sister will confront in love. This is not a license to nag, but as a sister in Christ – which a wife is to her saved husband, there are instructions in Galatians 6:1 and Matthew 18:15 to confront sin in love and with peace.

Marriage is the perfect picture of grace – Christ loving His church – a man loving his wife. The church loving her bridegroom – bride loving her husband. We get so caught up in the minutia and the reasoning of why things aren’t what they should be. . .and yet. . .we refuse to change.

Saying “I’ll do better” isn’t enough.

Saying “I’ll change” isn’t enough.

It begins with your understanding of Christ’s love for His church. Does your marriage model this?

God looked to us, lost and separated from Him by our sin and sent Jesus (the bridegroom) to die and be crushed for our sin. He looked to us and said “It’s worth it.” You’re worth it. So is your marriage.

Credit where credit is due: In preparation for this series on marriage, I read the Scripture first (the best practice,) praying that God would direct this series. I then researched other pastors and marriage experts who have covered this topic. Knowing that there is "nothing new under the sun" I was praying that God would solidify the direction of this series. Books and videos by speakers and authors such as Dr. Les & Dr. Leslie Parrott, Gary & Barb Rosberg, Dennis Rainey, and Dr. Gary Chapman were used. John Piper presented some very clear truths that resonated with me regarding this series. So, while 99.9% of the time everything I write comes directly from my head (scary, I know) much of the direction here in this final message was inspired by Piper's messages. I pray that this series has struck a nerve (a spiritual nerve) among the people of First Baptist Church. Praying that our marriages will be grace saturated and God-honoring.

Kirk Cameron & Warren Barfield Remind Us That Marriage is Worth It

What a weekend!

Yesterday was definitely a full day. We began with our regular services on Sunday morning only to find one of our video projectors wasn't working at all. We could not even get it to turn on. Now, I know it's just a projector, and for the worship services it wouldn't be that big a deal to not have it. However, at 3pm yesterday, we were hosting Kirk Cameron and Warren Barfield for the "Love Worth Fighting For" Marriage Event and I knew the projector would be needed. 

Guess it was just  a case of trying to get us to lose focus. The projector came back on. Yeah, I prayed it would. Kind of a weird prayer, because I wasn't sure God was too concerned about the video projector. I couldn't find any verses in the Bible where prayers over broken video projectors were said. Still, I believe it was more about distraction than technology. Unfortunately, I would have been worrying about that thing all day (and yes, I know worry is a sin, so I've repented of that almost worry already.)

Nevertheless, the projector worked throughout the afternoon. It probably doesn't work today, but I don't care. I'm sitting in the Miami International Airport on my way to Honduras with five other people from our church.

By the way, Miami's airport code is MIA. That's not too comforting. "Our entire mission team is now MIA!" doesn't bring comfort.

Back to yesterday.

The morning services went well as we began a new series titled "Worth It." It's a series to last through August with a focus on God's design for marriage. Yesterday was basically an introduction to the topic. It's a difficult topic to speak about when the crowd listening is so varied. Yet, it is my conviction that whether a person is married or single, an understanding of the biblical standards and purpose of marriage must be known. God even used the marriage relationship as an illustration of Christ's relationship with the church. 

So, we're going to swim through the cultural understandings and teachings regarding marriage and land firmly on the foundation of God's Word on this subject. It will not be an easy series, but will be "worth it."

The guys for the conference were there as soon as the 10:45am service was over. Warren Barfield and his brother Jeffrey arrived early and were in the foyer. They had been traveling all morning from Orlando and were in casual-mode (which is common for these guys. . .and makes them my heroes.) Warren shared that apparently, they confused or maybe even scared our ushers. One of our men kept quizzing them as to why they were there and just hanging out in the foyer. They laughed about it as they shared the encounter with me. Apparently, some of our ushers were at "Threat Level Red" and were concerned about these casually dressed guys with guitar cases claiming to be musicians. So much for first impressions.

Mike Williams, founder of Feed Your Faith, and the sponsor of the event arrived. They had just completed two days of conferences - one in Ocala and one in Winter Park. We were the last leg of this three day tour. I know these guys were beat, but they had great attitudes. There was a team of about 10 that were here to set up product tables, organize Feed the Hungry child sponsorships, set up the sound and stage and get everything ready for the event.

We had a great team of volunteers ready as well who gave up their early afternoon to get everything ready and just be available as needed. Thanks to all of them.

Kirk and his son Jack arrived and we set them up in the "green room."

We are at a point of having to fix that air conditioner in the "green room" - also known as the C Building. The comfort level in that room is terrible. Whew! I'm sweating just thinking about sitting in there. So, we ended up moving them to my office, where the air conditioner defintely works (just ask our secretaries.)

Kirk had a special Q & A time with those who purchased VIP tickets. This was a great time for him to share his story of how he came to Christ and why he does what he does. The questions were great, for the most part. As I was standing with Warren over to the side, he began sharing that just about in every town, an aspiring actress will arrive just to give Kirk a headshot photo with hopes he will pass it along so she can become the next big star. No, it's not the same woman in each city, but there seems to always be one.

Yes, there was one here yesterday as well. Kirk was gracious and took questions. Warren just hid in the corner and laughed.

The building started filling up and we knew that about 900 tickets were sold ahead of time. When the doors opened, people just kept coming. The worship center was as full as I've ever seen it. It made me wonder what a Sunday morning would look like if the house was packed. Maybe if Kirk was there each Sunday?

At our church, people often complain . . . voice their concerns about how cold it is in the worship center. That's one room where the air conditioner works very well. It was cool that morning, but apparently, when the doors are propped opened at noon as people are leaving church, all of the cool air flows outside. Go figure. Since it's 90+ degrees outside with a heat index of 187 degrees, the building doesn't stay cool. Then, when you shove 1200+ people into the building, all with their 98.6 degree temperatures, it gets hot in the room. 

Wow! I'm sorry it was so hot. I checked the air conditioner about five times during the event, and it was blowing. I knew it was working, because when everyone left, it was freezing in there. 

I was able to spend some time talking with Warren and his brother Jeffrey. I really like these guys. Not only are they gifted musicians and singers, there is a depth to them that is inviting. We talked for some time about church, frustrations, and family time and things I won't go into detail about. I look forward to finishing this conversation in the future. We may meet at Applebee's in Nashville sometime to talk more.

I also had the opportunity to talk with Kirk. Kirk has a passion for the things of God. One reporter asked me if I thought Kirk's celebrity status played a role in attracting people at the event. I wanted to say "Duh!" but didn't. Of course it plays a role, but the thing I discovered about Kirk, is that he understands God has given him a story. His story and his celebrity history as "Mike Seaver" has enabled him to have a platform for sharing boldly about Christ and about things that matter.

Kirk and Warren were great on stage. Kirk opened with a self-depracating act that took people back to the days of "Growing Pains." It was a good start because he knows that's where most people first came to know him. 

He soon transitioned into the teaching about life and marriage. He readily admitted he is not a marriage counselor or pastor. He shared that his experience as a Christian husband of twenty years to Chelsea Noble and father of six children gives him some things worth sharing.

The message was clear and plain. The points and ideas shared are not new, for there is nothing new under the sun, but were good, clear reminders of what it takes to live our lives for God and to be the husband or wife God has called us to be.

Later in the evening he used illustrations and clips from his film "Fireproof." These were great clips that really showed the truth of what he had been saying.

I personally liked his challenge to the men to be godly fathers and husbands. The "Mancard" he distributed had some great reminders for all husbands based on 1 Peter 3.

Warren didn't sing much, but when he did, it was incredible. What a voice! I love the acoustic set that he and Jeffrey put together.

Warren's most well-known song may be "Love Is Not A Fight" as featured in the film "Fireproof." One of the most poignant moments of the day was when Warren shared how the song came to be. I had thought he must have written it for the movie. That's not so. It was written after a pretty serious fight with his wife that almost led to their separation. Warrren has a great sense of humor and is a great story-teller. Even though the story about the fight was hard for him to share, the way he shared it drew the crowd in and held us. Then, he performed the song. Wow! It was an incredible moment. Much more than a "concert performance."

Events are not always the best things for churches to host. Many times, events are just events. What I mean by that is they are short-sighted and built upon a model that believes if people are in the building or that a group shows up, it is successful. 

I talked with Mike Williams about this and determined that this event would be more than just an "event." At least it had the potential to be. 

It really is up to the couples now. What will they do with what they heard?

Kirk asked me if we had a program for the couples to join that could help them in the area of marriage and life. I shared that our desire is that believers grow together in community. That is best fleshed-out in our small groups. Now some small groups don't get this and I'd never suggest anyone join them, but others do and more are beginning to. Joining a "Sunday School class" isn't the answer. Couples won't grow closer to each other and with other couples in community if they are just atteding a class one hour a week where someone else reads the Bible to them and tells them the "truth of the day."

However, if couples (and individuals) will invest in each other, if they will become a part of a small group that is intent on growing deeper and more intimate with God together, some incredible life change can happen.

Married couples need other married couples (men need men and women need women) living the journey with them. Older couples can pour into younger ones. Mistakes and challenges can be avoided. Life can be abudant and full. This is God's design. 

So, you can read a marriage book together. This is a good thing to do.

You can go to a marriage conference or retreat together. This is a good thing, too.

You can even go see a marriage counselor. Still another good thing.

However, it is my conviction, that couples need to be in community with other believers. It needs to be a pure, holy, safe community for faith development and growth. Love is worth fighting for, but you don't have to fight alone. 

The event started with fun stories and music and clapping and laughing. It ended with husbands and wives on their knees together praying for transformation in their lives. What happens now is dependant on the obedience of us as men and women, not to Kirk Cameron's challenge, but to God's calling.

Love is worth fighting for.

Your marriage is worth it.

Kirk Cameron Here Sunday & Setting the Record Straight About "Growing Pains"

Tomorrow we begin a new teaching series titled "Worth It" that covers the history of and true meaning of marriage. Timely since we're hosting Kirk Cameron and Warren Barfield tomorrow afternoon for the "Love Worth Fighting For" Marriage Event.

This event was scheduled months ago when I began talking with Mike Williams of Feed Your Faith Ministries. This is the group hosting this event and others like it throughout the nation. What started as one event in the Knoxville, Tennessee area a few years ago has now expanded to many cities and multiple events. 

Mike's Feed Your Faith site says this about the ministry:

Feed Your Faith was started in 2006 by Mike Williams.  His concept was simple:  Bring in the best and brightest Christian speakers, authors and musicians to spiritually feed believers while raising money to physically feed those in need.  Feed Your Faith has worked with nationally known writers and music groups including Kirk Cameron, Warren Barfield, Lee Strobel (former legal editor of the Chicago Tribune and author of The Case for Christ), author Mark Mittleberg, DecembeRadio, Decyfer Down and Sanctus Real (Dove Award winning Christian Rock and Alternative band), NEEDTOBREATHE and Sarah Reeves.  To date, Feed Your Faith has raised tens of thousands of dollars for charities throughout the Southeast United States.

It's a great concept and more of a missional strategy for conferences and concerts than we have seen in the past. We're proud to be partnering with Mike and Feed Your Faith for this event.

Kirk Cameron, of course, is best known for his portrayal of Mike Seaver on the 1980s hit sit-com "Growing Pains." While a teenager, he was an avowed atheist, but God revealed Himself to Kirk and Kirk surrendered his life to Christ. At that moment, everything changed. The platform of being a celebrity and an actor has provided Kirk with numerous opportunities to share the Truth with others.

His appearance in the Sherwood Pictures release Fireproof moved him to a place of speaking not only of knowing Christ personally, but of living out one's faith in everyday life. The theme of Fireproof was marital reconciliation and God's design for marriage (one man, one woman for life.) This is the backdrop for the "Love Worth Fighting For" events.

Musical guest Warren Barfield will be at the event as well. He has numerous songs to his credit, including the song "Love Is Not a Fight" from the Fireproof movie.

Kirk's celebrity recognition opens doors to reach many who otherwise would not be interested in a Christian marriage event held at a church. The local news agencies have run and are running stories about the event. Numerous 40-something ladies are calling the church upset that there are no more early access tickets available. I hope they still come. Hopefully, they won't bring their old copies of Tiger Beat with them. Regardless, Kirk will be ready.

We're glad to be hosting this event, primarily for the emphasis that Kirk and Warren are going to give regarding God's plan and desire for marriage. Simply put - marriage is "worth it" and "worth fighting for."

There are still tickets available for the event. It begins at 3pm at First Baptist Church and will last through 6:30pm. There is no child-care available. Kirk and Warren will have resources for sale as well. 

I hope to see you tomorrow. You can buy tickets at the door or online here.

 

SETTING THE RECORD STRAIGHT ABOUT MY EXPERIENCE ON "GROWING PAINS."

A few months ago, when we announced we were hosting this event, a friend asked me via Facebook how I knew Kirk Cameron. I joked and said that I appeared on Growing Pains as Mike's best friend. I was just kidding and I thought that would be obvious, but apparently, sarcasm doesn't work on Facebook. He ended up going to work and telling others that I was on the show. They did a Google search and couldn't find me on IMDB.COM. No doubt. I'm not an actor and was never on Growing Pains. Unlike some who pad their resumes with jobs they never had, I was just kidding and thought my friend knew this. He does now. So, I apologized to my friend. All is good.

I did watch Growing Pains and I'm sure if I had lived in Southern California in the 1980s, I would have  been chosen to play Boner (Mike Seaver's best friend and the worst character name in the history of television.) Just to set the record straight, I was never in the show. Boner was played by the late Andrew Koenig (son of Walter Koenig - "Mr. Chekov" of Star Trek fame.)

Oh, and even though I look like Murray Wiggle of The Wiggles, I was never on that show either. I was on Romper Room about 36 years ago in Biloxi, Mississippi, but that's another story.

Saying "I'll Be Back" May Not Be Enough This Time

Once again, a high profile marriage is falling apart in the public eye. Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger and his wife Maria Shriver have called it quits. At first, it seemed strange, but many just chalked it up to another Hollywood marriage going down the tubes. Then, the story took a strange twist when it was revealed that Schwarzenegger had fathered a child with the family's former maid. 

By now, you've heard all this. The purpose of this posting is not to become another TMZ or Extra site, but to bring to light the continual attacks on marriage that are occuring in our world.

I wish I could say that these types of marital failures and the high rates of separation and divorce are relegated to the celebrity crowd, but that's just not the case. Stories of separation, infidelity, extra-marital affairs. . .and if you want to get biblical and call it what it is - adultery and fornication (i.e. sin) abound throughout our culture and even our own community.

The reality is that ever since Eden, marriage has been under attack.

Why does the Enemy hate marriage so?

There are a number of reasons. Here are some that come to mind, in no particular order:

• Marriage was designed by God and ordained by Him. He hates everything about God.
• Marriage is built on a love relationship and Satan cannot love. Love is not his nature.
• Marriage is a picture, an illustration, of the relationship between Christ and His church. That's why we're called the "bride of Christ." Therefore, every time the Enemy sees a marriage (even if it's a marriage between lost people) it reminds him of Christ and the church.
• Marriage is about relationship. The Enemy cannot have true relationships.

There are other reasons, but it becomes pretty obvious that all marriages are vulnerable to attack. Therefore, we, as believers, must protect our marriage and stand firm against the attacks. 

The Schwarzenegger story just brings all this back to the forefront. We've seen these types of stories before. When Elizabeth Taylor died, her marital and relational escapades made the news again (it still amazes me that she and Debbie Reynolds were able to work together later in life following the Eddie Fisher story.) The Brad and Angelina mess continues to keep Jennifer Aniston on the front of supermarket tabloids since the public continually feels sorry for her. The stories of politicians who have been unfaithful (Gingrich is in the news again due to his presidential announcement) also seem to be more common. 

There's even a popular television series (I've never watched it, but I gather from the commercials what it is about) focusing on what happens when a famous couple is split over the issue of infidelity. The show is called The Good Wife and seems to have been developed after numerous politicians admitted to marital infidelity while their wives stood by their sides at the press conferences.

These high-profile stories are just added to the ones we all know of friends, neighbors, co-workers, fellow church members and Christians who are facing their own marital issues, albeit without the paparazzi.

So, what can be done?

This question has been asked over and over by friends and church members.

Michael Hyatt, Chairman of Thomas Nelson Publishers, on his blog, states his personal strategy for not becoming a casualty of broken vows. Here are his guidelines (click here for the full posting)

1. I invest in my relationship with Gail (obviously, Gail is Michael's wife). It is amazing to me that so many men are willing to invest such enormous spiritual, emotional, and financial resources in relationships other than the one they have. This doesn’t make economic sense. If you want your marriage to grow and flourish, you must invest in it. This means investingtime—dreaming, laughing, listening, and crying together.
2. I set specific boundaries. This may sound old-fashioned, perhaps even legalistic. So be it. I think our world could use a little old-fashioned common sense. Therefore:
   • I will not go out to eat alone with someone of the opposite sex.
   • I will not travel alone with someone of the opposite sex.
   • I will not flirt with someone of the opposite sex.
   • I will speak often and lovingly of my wife. (This is the best adultery repellant known to man.)
3. I consider what is at stake. What story do I want my grandchildren to tell? This puts it all in perspective for me. Do I want them to be proud of my life’s story or embarrassed? Do I want to be remembered as a person who loves his wife and is faithful to her? Or do I want to be the one who squandered his legacy in a moment of indiscretion?

Another thing that I believe will help strengthen our marriages is the development of mentor couples. Every marriage book and counselor I have read and listened to references the need for mentor couples. These mentor couples are those who have been married for some time and are winning. They aren't perfect. Many have had serious issues in the past, but they have covenanted to remain together and their marriages are strong. My desire is to partner mentor couples with newly married couples initially. The agenda is loose, but based on relationship. It's not so much a curriculum, but two couples praying together and communicating about what really matters in life and marriage.

Perhaps, through the ministry of mentor couples, more marriages can be stronger for the long-term and avoid the potholes and pitfalls the Enemy throws at marriage.

The goal is that husbands and wives remain faithful to each other, loving and serving God together. How crazy would that be in this fallen, sinful world?

It is possible. However, it just doesn't happen automatically. Remember, we're in a war. We have to be strategic. We have to fight for this.

BTW - I pray that all marriages survive and thrive. . .even the celebrity ones. So often, these celebrities are reduced to caricatures. The reality is they are people with real hurts, real pains, and real loved ones. The Schwarzenegger-Shrivers are suffering. As are others. It's good that Arnold has "taken full responsibility" but that alone does not heal the relationship. Remember, God is for marriage. 

Strategies for Fighting Lust

It's a sin that just about everyone at some level faces. It's the continuing sin that come back time after time - even after the wave of guilt has poured over the person and the prayer of repentance happens. 

Satan uses lust and porn to attack more and more people. With the growth of the internet and increase in numbers of  smartphones, the greatest tool for attacking men (and women) with lust is now very prevalent.

Pastor John Piper posted this years ago regarding lust and porn and the Christian. Though written in 2001, this is as relevant today as ever:

I have in mind men and women. For men it's obvious. The need for warfare against the bombardment of visual temptation to fixate on sexual images is urgent. For women it is less obvious, but just as great if we broaden the scope of temptation to food or figure or relational fantasies. When I say "lust" I mean the realm of thought, imagination, and desire that leads to sexual misconduct. So here is one set of strategies in the war against wrong desires. I put it in the form of an acronym, A N T H E M.

A – AVOID as much as is possible and reasonable the sights and situations that arouse unfitting desire. I say "possible and reasonable" because some exposure to temptation is inevitable. And I say "unfitting desire" because not all desires for sex, food, and family are bad. We know when they are unfitting and unhelpful and on their way to becoming enslaving. We know our weaknesses and what triggers them. "Avoiding" is a Biblical strategy. "Flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness" (2 Timothy 2:22). "Make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires" (Romans 13:14).

N – Say NO to every lustful thought within five seconds. And say it with the authority of Jesus Christ. "In the name of Jesus, NO!" You don't have much more than five seconds. Give it more unopposed time than that, and it will lodge itself with such force as to be almost immovable. Say it out loud if you dare. Be tough and warlike. As John Owen said, "Be killing sin or it will be killing you." Strike fast and strike hard. "Resist the devil, and he will flee from you" ( James 4:7).

T – TURN the mind forcefully toward Christ as a superior satisfaction. Saying "no" will not suffice. You must move from defense to offense. Fight fire with fire. Attack the promises of sin with the promises of Christ. The Bible calls lusts "deceitful desires" (Ephesians 4:22). They lie. They promise more than they can deliver. The Bible calls them "passions of your former ignorance" (1 Peter 1:14). Only fools yield. "All at once he follows her, as an ox goes to the slaughter" (Proverbs 7:22). Deceit is defeated by truth. Ignorance is defeated by knowledge. It must be glorious truth and beautiful knowledge. This is why I wrote Seeing and Savoring Jesus Christ. We must stock our minds with the superior promises and pleasures of Jesus. Then we must turn to them immediately after saying, "NO!"

H – HOLD the promise and the pleasure of Christ firmly in your mind until it pushes the other images out. "Fix your eyes on Jesus" (Hebrews 3:1). Here is where many fail. They give in too soon. They say, "I tried to push it out, and it didn't work." I ask, "How long did you try?" How hard did you exert your mind? The mind is a muscle. You can flex it with vehemence. Take the kingdom violently (Matthew 11:12). Be brutal. Hold the promise of Christ before your eyes. Hold it. Hold it! Don't let it go! Keep holding it! How long? As long as it takes. Fight! For Christ's sake, fight till you win! If an electric garage door were about to crush your child you would hold it up with all our might and holler for help, and hold it and hold it and hold it and hold it.

E – ENJOY a superior satisfaction. Cultivate the capacities for pleasure in Christ. One reason lust reigns in so many is that Christ has so little appeal. We default to deceit because we have little delight in Christ. Don't say, "That's just not me." What steps have you taken to waken affection for Jesus? Have you fought for joy? Don't be fatalistic. You were created to treasure Christ with all your heart – more than you treasure sex or sugar. If you have little taste for Jesus, competing pleasures will triumph. Plead with God for the satisfaction you don't have: "Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days" (Psalm 90:14). Then look, look, look at the most magnificent Person in the universe until you see him the way he is.

M – MOVE into a useful activity away from idleness and other vulnerable behaviors. Lust grows fast in the garden of leisure. Find a good work to do, and do it with all your might. "Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord" (Romans 12:11). "Be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord" (1 Corinthians 15:58). Abound in work. Get up and do something. Sweep a room. Hammer a nail. Write a letter. Fix a faucet. And do it for Jesus' sake. You were made to manage and create. Christ died to make you "zealous for good deeds" (Titus 2:14). Displace deceitful lusts with a passion for good deeds.

By John Piper. © Desiring God. Website: desiringGod.org

Often the issues of lust and porn seem to be focused on men solely. It's no secret that men are wired differently and that the Enemy knows the visual stimulation is best used on men. However, women aren't immune. This quote from a recent article in the Guardian illustrates this.

I remember the feeling of being sucked in, really wanting that two-minute fix, that numbness I got when I used porn," says Caroline. "I was stressed out, and I risked being late for my interview, but I pressed play anyway and fast-forwarded it to the bit I wanted. It took two minutes." But the relief was to be short-lived. "Afterwards I just hated myself for giving in and getting off on images that treated women like pieces of meat. But I kept going back.

The attacks will only increase as more and more "secret" venues for viewing, downloading and watching porn become available. This secret war is being waged by many believers. Men and women alike are fighting the temptation. The ANTHEM strategy is a good place to start. You may have to make more drastic steps. Remember, it's worth it and you're not fighting alone.

A Definition of Real Womanhood

The women from our church spent the weekend at Jekyll Island for the annual spring "Heart Matters Retreat." For the first time, a man was the guest speaker. That man would be me. I was honored to be able to share from material written by Robert Lewis, pastor, author and creator of Men's Fraternity. Now, why would information from a man who is best known as the founder of a men's ministry be relevant for our ladies?

Dr. Lewis is also the author of the book The New Eve which attempts to describe the authentic biblical woman in a world that is changing daily.

After working through the five key moves that women need to make in life, our ladies helped develop a simple definition of authentic, or REAL womanhood as defined in the Scripture. It's similar to the definition for manhood that we have been building upon in our men's ministry, but there are subtle differences.

This definition becomes the template for living life from the "inside out." 

A real woman. . .

• Rejects worldly temptation
• Expects the greater reward
• Actively pursues God's priorities
• Lovingly nurtures the next generation.

Some things to note about this definition as developed this weekend. To reject worldly temptation is the key starting point. It's key to realize that the Enemy is constantly tempting, saying the same lie he did to Eve in the Garden of Eden. That lie is "There's something more for you because God is holding out." This doesn't mean to settle for where you are in life spiritually, but to learn to be content in joy at the stage of life God has placed you.

To expect the greater reward references that this life here on earth is not all there is. We are to store up our treasures, not here on earth, but in heaven. 

The next section took a while for the ladies to develop. At first it was "Accept God's priorities" but that seemed passive. That almost seemed as if we were saying "Well, I don't like it, but I have to accept it," and that's not the point. To "actively pursue" the priorities of God reminds us that it is through action, through desire, through our lives that we seek God and His priorities.

The last one seems to speak only to mothers, but that' s not the case. To "lovingly nurture the next generation" does speak to motherhood, but also to those without children. There is a "next generation" on the way. The responsibility is for all women to lovingly nurture them, especially young girls. Even senior adult ladies see the relevance in this statement based on the teachings in Titus 2 where "older women" are to teach the "younger women."

It's a good definition and simple. There's more that could be said. It could be expanded, but at that point, it's hard to remember. So keep it simple. Keep it REAL.

A "Mountaintop Experience" At The Beach?

I survived the first day of the Women's Retreat. (That still very strange to type.) Last night we finally were able to complete our first, foundation laying, session (after a mix up at the resaturant that left many women getting their dinner "to go" and some eating really, really late.) 

The premise of this weekend is not to overschedule the event with things to do every minute of the day. In fact, after lunch, the ladies have about four hours of free time. We'd never do this on a youth trip. Our desire is to provide the ladies a relaxing, Spirit-filled, peaceful weekend to think on the things of God. Some say it's a great opportunity for a personal "mountaintop experience" (even though we're at the beach.) While this isn't the Ritz by any stretch of the imagination, I must say the view this morning is incredible. Just take a look at this pic from my window . . .

Since this is just a one day event, I worried that the ladies would not get the "retreat" or "getaway" experience. After seeing the sunrise this morning, I'm convinced they can.

I was reading Oswald Chambers' devotion for today from My Utmost for His Highest. Amazing how God orchestrates "coincidences" right? Check out what Chambers wrote:

We all have moments when we feel better than ever before, and we say, "I feel fit for anything; if only I could always be like this!" We are not meant to be be. Those moments are moments of insight which we have to live up to even when we do not feel like it. Many of us are no good for the everyday world when we are not on the mountaintop. Yet we must bring our everyday life up to the standard revealed to us on the mountaintop when we were there.

Never allow a feeling that was awakened in you on the mountaintop to evaporate. Don't place yourself on the shelf by thinking, "How great to be in such a wonderful state of mind!" Act immediately - do something, even if your only reason to act is that you would rather not. If, during a prayer meeting, God shows you something to do, don't say, "I'll do it" - just do it! Pick yourself up by the back of the neck and shake off your fleshly laziness. Laziness can always be seen in our cravings for a mountaintop experience; all we talk about is our planning for our time on the mountain. We must learn to live in the ordinary "gray" day according to what we saw on the mountain.

While we're not literally on a mountain for this weekend (that's reserved for later in the year with our men) the reality that a refreshing, "mountaintop" spiritual experience may occur for our ladies.

I often ask folks to tell me about a time when they felt closest to God. Many times, they tell of an experience at a youth camp or retreat or conference. These "mountaintop" experiences in many cases are years in the past. While some lament that the mountaintop experience was long ago, it must be remembered that God allowed us to experience them for a greater purpose. We can say "I've been there and I know what it's like. I can go there again."

We must be careful not to leave these spiritual highs relegated to an event that costs a registration fee and takes place somewhere other than home. It may be hard to find these spiritual highs during the "gray days" of life, but they're there. You just have to seek them out.

God does not live on a mountain somewhere "out there." He is ever-present with His children through the Holy Spirit. 

However, it is good to get away at times. Even Jesus modeled this as He would go to be alone with the Father.

One of the things that today's women are facing, according to research and an unscientific poll of our ladies during session one, is "tiredness." Too much going on, too many irons in the fire, too many expectations (either from self or others), too much pressure from culture. . .all leading to ladies desiring "Calgon to take them away."

This is not God's design. Christ is our rest. He is our peace. This is true for men and women. . .all who know Christ personally. Seek the time alone with Him. Relish the mountaintop experiences - learn from them, then rest in Him.